I’m Okay…And I’m Fine Too— What I Don’t Say

Are you one of those chronically ill people who tells others your okay when they ask you how you are? I am, even if I’m not.

I’m fine too. No, not really. I try to pretend I’m okay. I try not to let you see my pain. So I push through the invisibility of fibromyalgia. 

Does it work? No, not so much. The more I push, the more I’m down. Those few people who know me the best can read me. They tell me I wear my emotions on my face. They can see the pain that I’m trying to hide from them. 

What about you? Do you ever tell people you’re okay or fine even when your not? Are there people close to you who can seemingly see right through you?

I guess it’s just a habit now or a self-preservation mechanism. For me to tell people, I’m okay. I’ve gone through life with people telling me it’s all in my head. But you don’t look sick, or you’re faking it.

Is this you too? Do you or someone you know have an invisible chronic illness?

I don’t know. While I’m writing this post, I’m reflecting on how much I don’t say. I guess it’s self-preservation and has saved me from having to defend how my mind and body feel. It keeps me from talking about the fatigue, the fog, the pain, anxiety, and depression. 

I only have a few people with whom I share. But, they still don’t completely understand. They haven’t walked my walk; they can’t because it’s my walk. They are empathetic and sometimes understanding, sometimes supportive. But that’s all they can be. 

What about you? I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash